Teenagers and Arguments: Tips to Put Out Some of the Fires
Are families arguments a part of everyday life? Are you tired of every question you ask your teen becoming an argument? You are not alone! In my experience one of the top issues that come through my door is that parents cannot seem to communicate effectively with their child. The teen brain is actually not an enigma. Teenagers are going through a time when they are thinking differently and questioning limits that before were accepted. They are growing and figuring out their place. Unfortunately, parents get the brunt of these times of growth. Here are some helpful tips to get you through the school year and day to day life with your teen:
1. Set clear and consistent limits. If your teenager knows and understands what the rules are, and you do not change them without warning, they are more likely to follow them. Teens and people in general do better with some type of structure. When you go by the same rules all the time, there is nothing to question and you will not have the argument that begins with: "Last time you let me..."
2. Have consequences for when a rule is broken. If someone can get away with something they will. Let you teen know that, for example, if they come home at 11:10 rather than 11:00, there is a consequence. Make it fit the situation; for example, they have to come in an hour earlier next time or they can't go out at all the next time. When you stick to the rules so will our teenager.
3. Make sure that when a consequence is given all parents know what that is and understand it! Too often one parent is not informed about the consequence and allows the child to go out, use the cell phone, etc. Speak with your significant other and decide together what the consequence is for the behavior, how long, etc. If you give a consequence when the other person is not around, make sure the two of you have a conversation at some point to inform the other. Communication is key!
4. LISTEN! The #1 complaint I get from teenagers is that they do not feel as though they are being heard by their parents. Teenagers have wants, needs, problems, and other topics that they just need someone to hear. This does not necessarily mean they want advice! They may just want someone to listen and empathize with them. When they want input, they will ask. If you are open to hearing them and do not force information, they are more likely to give it to you freely.
If stressful situations are coming up too often or if you feel the conflict in your house has reached an uncontrollable point, contact a professional.
Remember, family time is important so try to save some time for your children!
1. Set clear and consistent limits. If your teenager knows and understands what the rules are, and you do not change them without warning, they are more likely to follow them. Teens and people in general do better with some type of structure. When you go by the same rules all the time, there is nothing to question and you will not have the argument that begins with: "Last time you let me..."
2. Have consequences for when a rule is broken. If someone can get away with something they will. Let you teen know that, for example, if they come home at 11:10 rather than 11:00, there is a consequence. Make it fit the situation; for example, they have to come in an hour earlier next time or they can't go out at all the next time. When you stick to the rules so will our teenager.
3. Make sure that when a consequence is given all parents know what that is and understand it! Too often one parent is not informed about the consequence and allows the child to go out, use the cell phone, etc. Speak with your significant other and decide together what the consequence is for the behavior, how long, etc. If you give a consequence when the other person is not around, make sure the two of you have a conversation at some point to inform the other. Communication is key!
4. LISTEN! The #1 complaint I get from teenagers is that they do not feel as though they are being heard by their parents. Teenagers have wants, needs, problems, and other topics that they just need someone to hear. This does not necessarily mean they want advice! They may just want someone to listen and empathize with them. When they want input, they will ask. If you are open to hearing them and do not force information, they are more likely to give it to you freely.
If stressful situations are coming up too often or if you feel the conflict in your house has reached an uncontrollable point, contact a professional.
Remember, family time is important so try to save some time for your children!
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